Me Love-Chemist!

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Happy Halloween!

Ask the Gigolokitty!

Dear Gigolokitty:

I am a kitty of rare and striking beauty. I fear it is not understood by the cretinous world!

What can I do to raise their appreciation of my unique attractions?

In exasperation,

Cat Whose Face Would Launch A Thousand Evacuations

Dear CWFWLATE:

Me Hear, Beauteousness Lies In The Eyes Of The Beholder. Me Say, Scratch Them Out.

In Support,

Gigolokitty

Me Bewitching!

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Me Ensnared!

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For those just joining in: Missy the Kitten made her first appearance in this episode.

Me Nonviolent!

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Loving is Healing!

Gigolokitty: Me Say, The Love Of Pookies Can Heal Anything!

Evil!TrollRoommate: Tell that to the vet, buddy! Now, this stinky bitter medication, would you lovingness prefer to take it the easy way or should I call for backup?

Ask the Gigolokitty!

Dear Gigolokitty:

An obnoxious little twerp has recently invaded my cozy home and dares to challenge my authority.

My insensitive barf-collector has threatened me with the water gun if I dare lay a paw on his scrawny ass.

How do I show them who is the master of my domain?

In annoyance,

Cat Who Would Be King

Dear CWWBK:

Me Say, Wait For Barf-Collector To Leave for Menial Job.

Then Go Piddle-Paddle On The Twerp's Kidneys . Repeat Until He Knows His Place.

Remember, Never Aim For Any Place That Will Show.

And Be Careful Of Cat-Cams Set Up By Unfairly Suspicious Barf-Collector.

In Commiseration,

Gigolokitty

Me Debilitated!

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Me Propitiated!

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Unrestful Monday!

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Me Observative!

Gigolokitty: Beauteousness, Me says, Never Ceases to Amaze!

Ask the Gigolokitty!

Dear Gigolokitty:

My heartless pooper-scooper says I must earn my keep! I work my paws off filing while he lazes in his wheelchair in a stupid full-body cast.

How can I raise my get-away money pronto?

In desperation,

Cat Who Believes Kibble Grows On Trees


Dear CWBKGOT:

Me Say, Sell Possessions. Other People's Possessions.

Me Understand Wheelchairs Fetch Excellent Price In Market.

Used Body Casts (Especially With Bodies Still In It) Not So Much.

In advisement,

GK

Me Negotiator!

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Evil!TrollRoommate: Are you going to let him get away with blackmail??

::Unfortunate!Mistress too busy with barrel of sake to respond::

Our apologies for the inconvenience........

Me Reminiscent!

Gigolokitty: Me Writing Me Memoirs! Me Will Get Rich From Me Recollections!

Unfortunate!Mistress: But sweetpea, its really difficult to get a publisher nowadays.......

Gigolokitty: Me Not Paid to Publish! Me Paid NOT to Publish!!!

::Poodle Death Squad attacks crummy apartment with grooming equipment shrieking "Publish and Be Shaved Bald, You Traitorous Strumpet!"::

The Art of Seducing the Pookie!

Evil!TrollRoommate: You two-timing furball! Weren't you declaring your love for another Pookie the other day?

Gigolokitty: Me is Too Much Kitty for Just One Pookie!

Me Cogitative!

Gigolokitty: Beauteousness, Me Says, Needs No Adornment!

Ask the Gigolokitty!

Dear Gigolokitty:

The brutal two-legged can-openers have placed me on restricted kibble diet. How do I let them know that I am content with my pulchritudinous curves and have no desire to look like a demented stick insect?

Sincerely,

Cat Happy To Be Fat

Dear CHTBF:

Me say, Share the Misery. Snack on their Pricey Italian Leather Shoes. And Regurgitate Undigestable Bits on Priceless Oriental Rug.

You May Still Starve But it WILL Hurt Them More than it Will Hurt You.

In encouragement,

GK

Me Cleopatra!

Gigolokitty: Age Cannot Wither, Nor Custom Stale
Me Infinite Variety! Others May Cloy
The Appetites They Feed, But Me Makes Hungry
Where Me Most Satisfies!

::Shakespeare-buff Evil!Troll is suffering from a nervous breakdown and is unavailable for comment::

Me Literate!

Evil!TrollRoommate: I don't think Shakespeare For Really Dumb Dummies qualifies as high-brow reading.

Unfortunate!Mistress: Be a little supportive! The sweetiebums is all touchy after that snooty Persian he dumped called him an ignorant tramp......

Me Angelic!

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Me Pensive!

Gigolokitty: Beauteousness, Me Says, Is the Sum of Me Perfections!