The Alluring Mr. Darcy!

Evil!TrollRoommate: What is that reporter from the Alluring Kitty Literary Times doing here?

Unfortunate!Mistress: The sweetie butterball is posing as Mr. Darcy Revealed! - Jane Austen in the Raw.

Evil!TrollRoommate: Um....has anyone told him that Mr. Darcy is an uppity-tights pompous ass who would shoot off his privates before parading them to the public?

Gigolokitty: Me say it is Time to Correct the Injustice!

Me Bonafide!

Gigolokitty: Me Mr. Darcy!

Evil!TrollRoommate: Yeah hairyscaryfatty, you are the greatest pinup in English Lit.

Gigolokitty: Me Official! Mr. Darcy Fan Club says so!

Unfortunate!Mistress: B..but you are the one and only member of this fanclub.

Gigolokitty: Me Bonafide!!!! Me Make Declaration as President of only true fan club!

Me Love Mondays!

Gigolokitty: Me Love Mondays!! Grabby Mistress off early as wage slave. Evil!TrollRoommate crawled off to eat baby penguins. Me Alone in AC cooled comfy bed for Beauteous Morning Nap!!!

Me Pensive!

Gigolokitty: Me hear Beauty is but Skin Deep. Me say, is that not Enough?

Me is Disappointed!

Gigolokitty: Me is Disappointed! Me finding suck-ups brown-nosing for cheap praise by Drinking from TAP and Pooping in TOILET! Me Ask Why Set Such Poor Example?! Me Most Beauteous Not NEED To Raise Paw to Serve Meself!

Evil!TrollRoommate: Listen lardbutt, we know you are too fat to lift a paw. But can't you at least lift your ass into the litterbox?

Gigolokitty: Me Most Refined and Beauteous! Me Not Crap in Stinking Box! Me Crap On Your Stinkier Bed!

Evil!TrollRoommate: AAAARRRRRRRRGGGHHHHHH!

::Unfortunate!Mistress takes long swig of vodka and resignedly prepares to do the laundry::

Me Heart is Crushed!

Gigolokitty: Nobody sees the Trouble me sees! Nobody feels me Pain!

Unfortunate!Mistress: Poor heart-broken boy...........the french poodle left for Europe with a chihuahua and the Blue Russian is hiding from the FBI.

Evil!TrollRoommate: What about the Italian hamster?

Unfortunate!Mistress: Oh, he went back to Richard Gere.

Me in Love!

Gigolokitty: Me is Misty-Eyed in Love!!!

Evil!TrollRoommate: Scored big at the funeral, huh?

Unfortunate!Mistress: Yes, a very wealthy french poodle. Plus a Blue Russian and an Italian hamster.

Evil!TrollRoommate: Going Eurotrash is he?

Unfortunate!Mistress: Well, he is trying to improve his accent.

Me is Demure!

Gigolokitty: Me is Demure!

Evit!TrollRoommate: What?

Unfortunate!Mistress: He is practicing to score at the french gerbil's funeral. You know, the one who died of a broken heart.

Evil!TrollRoommate: Heart?!? I thought it was a broken something else. Well, as long as we are not getting sued....

Me is Loving!

Unfortunate!Mistress: Why must you seduce all the pets in the building? I can't take your one-night stands cluttering up the hallway.

Gigolokitty: But me have loving and giving heart! Me have Compassion for those less Beauteous!

Formerly-friendly neighbor: What have you done to my french gerbil?!?!

::Evil!TrollRoomate starts checking phonebook for animal control::

Me Spike!

Gigolokitty: Just call me SPIKE!

Evil!TrollRoommate: Why is there a cease-and-desist letter from Joss Whedon? Are you selling porny Buffy fanfic again?

::Unfortunate!Mistress frantically tries to destroy stash of pornier pictures and spikey accessories::

Me Rubenesque!

Evil!Troll Roommate: Put that cat on a diet, he is getting fatter every day.

Gigolokitty: Me is not fat, you ignorant hippopotamus! Me is Rubenesque!

::Unfortunate!Mistress hides in corner with large bottle of alchohol and thinks fondly of life without cat and roommate::

Me Flexible!

Gigolokitty: Me is flexible! Me is very flexible!

Me Not Slut!

Evil!Troll Roommate: What is that fat-arse doing with my laptop?

Unfortunate!Mistress: Erm....he is starting up his own blog......

Evil!Troll Roommate: Oh bloody bollocks! Do we really need to listen to that trash-talking, narcissistic, cross-dressing slut?

Gigolokitty: Me Not Slut!!! Me Get PAID!

Gigolokitty: Me most Beauteous One have Own Blog! Now Me Fans can Worship MeMeMe! Me thinks the World can now Rejoice!

Unfortunate!Mistress: B---b--ut we just got a restraining order against that crazed stalker!